She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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