Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
