Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
