i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
