Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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