I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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