I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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