Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
