Christians are straight up FREAKS
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
