I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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