my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize