I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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