all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
