so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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