there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
