so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
