i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
