oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
