talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
