can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
