I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
