I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
