when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
