So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
