what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
