Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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