i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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