i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize