those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
