I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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