dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
