Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
