What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
