am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
