I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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