Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Naked. naked and bneed help.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
