if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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