I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
