You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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