This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
