beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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