I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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