her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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