wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
