you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize