I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
