Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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