well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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