why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
