I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize