I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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