forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
