oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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