tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
