It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
