Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
