I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
