Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
