Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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