remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize