I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
