funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
