my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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