ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
