I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
my liver is dry heaving
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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