it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
