Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
