love makes seman taste better
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
