It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
farters have to be the big spoon...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
