I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
