i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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