paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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