I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i now understand why vodka
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
