Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
even my farts smell like vagina
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
