The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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