They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
