Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
