I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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