I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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