she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
