it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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