when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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