in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
