booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
