bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize