What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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