I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
