I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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