i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
