U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
