Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
