I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
