I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
