i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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